Harry Potter And The Phisophidiot's Stone
by DementedWarrior
Summary: A parody of Harry Potter, where bad puns and stupidity is everywhere.


**Chapter 1**

 **The boy who lived**

Mr. and Mrs. Dumsley, of number 71, USB Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal(boring). They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in something interesting, smart, and non-normal.

Mr. Dumsley was the director of a firm called Gruntings. It made very heavy weights, so that of course, people would grunt. And probably have to go to the hospital. He was a big, beefy, turkey, porky, salmonly, chickenly man with no neck. He did have a very big Uni-brow, but he was proud of it. Mrs. Dumsley was the very opposite. She was thin, had a long neck, which she used to spy on other people, and was legally blonde. The Dumsleys had a small son called Dudley. They thought he was perfect, but as you can guess, he was a dud.

The Dumsleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret. They didn't think they could bear if anyone found out about the potters. Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dumsley's sister. They haven't met for years, because Mrs. Dumsley, Petunia, was very jealous because the Potters were amazing at cooking, especially with pots.

She even pretended that the Potters didn't exist, because they were as un-Dumsleyish as possible. Long story short, they were smarter than the Dumsleys, although that's not saying anything. The Dumsleys knew that the Potters had a small son, but they had never seen him, and don't want to because they're afraid of becoming smart. Smart as in, knowing how clocks work, understanding cars, understanding electricity, and being able to use wand… Wait. You didn't hear me say that. Ignore that last part. :/

 **Side Note: Being smart in this world is not what you think. It is actually quite stupid, but compared to other people they look smart.**

When Mr. and Mrs. Dumsley woke up on a dull Tuesday(Turkey Tuesday for them), our story starts. There was nothing to suggest that something interesting, smart and (maybe)magical stuff starts happening all over the country. They both hummed as Mr. Dumsley picked out his most boring tie, and Mrs. Dumsley wrestled Dudley into his chair, as if this was a daily average thing.

None of them noticed the owl fly smack-dab intone middle of their window, then continue along its way.

Mr. Dudley hurried out of the house muttering "Little son of an idiot," then realized what he just said.

It was on the corner of the street he first noticed something peculiar - a cat reading a map. The reason he thought this was peculiar was because he didn't know anybody who could read a map, not because of the cat. He turned his head again, and there was a tabby cat standing on the corner of USB Drive, but it wasn't reading a map.

He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back, He stared at the cat, the cat stare at him back.

 ** _After doing this for 20 minutes_** , he decided it must have just been a trick of the light.


End file.
